Be still my soul.
As yet another agonizing wave of pain surges forth against me in what is to be my final stand
I raise my eyes to the heavens.
"Why God?"
The words enter my weakened conscious state.
To ask "why" is not my place.
Nor "how."
For I know "how."
It was I who forged the folly of which I sow this hopeless defeat.
My hope is not in life
Nor is my fear of death
But the continuance of this soul-wrenching hurt
That has never been known
To me, at least.
To die is gain
Out of context
Is not an appropriate excuse for me.
My lot is to live
For a time
Until the LORD sees fit
To call me homeward
An end that seems too distant to see
Yet, in the scope of eternity is closer
Than I dare think.
Whilst I sit here
Still.
In this darkened room of both physical reality
And the hollow cavity within me
I look for consolation
Not in futile attempts of reassurance from man
But truth from the Almighty LORD of creation
Of me, his son.
The son He gave His Son for to save
Me.
If that is not reassurance of love,
Then I do not know what is.
So
As the final torrent plummets down upon my brow
I know and knew that this and only this
Truth is sacred
God alone is worthy to be worshipped
To hold the center of my heart, mind, and soul.
To place that confidence in flesh or earth
Is wholly unholy.
A despicable, idolatrous defamation of what Is.
And Will Be.
And Has Been.
Forever and ever
Amen.
LORD, be quick and merciful with me. May my feet not stumble, may my heart not long for anything other than You and Your glorification. May I run and not grow weary. Though my soul is tired and I look to the end of the road, may Your strength preserve me, O God. Keep me directed in paths of righteousness lest I become a wicked man. Hear my cries, O LORD, be not far from me. Save me from the depths of my despair. Remove my idols from me and restore Yourself to the center of my life. Allow me the strength to carry on. All these things I ask in the precious name of Your Son, Jesus Christ.
Amen
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